Mindfulness Practice: Balancing Quality of Life with Effective Living
Bob Sanfilippo, MA MFT and Diana Brown, MA MFT
This article introduces the concept of balancing our state of being with doing. In other words, how can we develop and maintain meaning in our lives while doing all the activities necessary to sustain life? It is proposed that quality of life and effective living reside in the interdependence of being and doing, thus neither is mutually exclusive of the other. It is suggested that applying mindfulness practices is a method of balancing or integrating being and action. Furthermore, when applied to Enneagram compulsions, mindfulness practices can help free us from the constraints of personality, thus engendering a more balanced sense of self which tends to be more effective in action. So what is mindfulness practice?
Mindfulness = Presence.
First, there needs to be a functional definition of what is meant by mindfulness. Jon Kabat-Zinn1 offers a useful definition of mindfulness. “Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally.” Hence, mindfulness is being present, or having Presence. Webster’s dictionary defines presence as “the fact or condition of being present.” Presence is that quintessential quality of awareness and being that creates peak experiences in living. Mindfulness practice is based on the premise that only in the experience of the present moment can one accurately perceive what is really happening, when life is fully appreciated without the need to judge it, and when effective action can be taken.
The effectiveness of time-referenced action versus mindfulness practice.
It is a common belief that effectiveness is the result of learning from the past and planning for the future, i.e., time-referenced action. This belief does have merit. There is no question that time-referenced action can, at times, create outcomes that meet our expectations. However, the problem with time-referenced action is that we are not very efficient in balancing our lives to a past-present-future focus. The mind becomes lost or stuck in memory that leads to avoidant or reactionary behaviors, or is driven by future/goal-oriented thoughts that perpetuate a disconnection from meaningful living in the present.
Mindfulness practice challenges the belief that the best way to become effective is by referencing the past and setting sites on the future. Mindfulness practice contends that only in the experience of the present moment can we accurately observe and describe what is really happening. Mindfulness practice also contends that if we can “hold” the moment, an “inner knowing” or higher truth will emerge and guide us to serve our best interest in concurrence with the order of the Universe.
The problem is that it is downright hard to trust direct experience. Wounding from past experiences automatically sets the expectations for future action. Distrust breeds for getting caught up in ourselves. We resort to micromanaging our lives through self-referencing at the cost of discounting the reference of our direct experience. Unfortunately, self-referencing can leave us prone to the faulty data of our memories which is often murky, and bound to unrealistic expectations which are biased and seldom come to fruition. All is colored by the ups and downs of moods and feelings.
The practice of mindfulness means learning to trust direct experience. It is building trust in small morsels one moment at a time. Mindfulness practice requires patience and willingness to observe and describe what is happening without bias. It is genuine participation without self-consciousness. It is throwing oneself into the moment and gleaning wisdom through the trial-and error of learning by direct experience.
Is the practice of mindfulness practical?
The reader might ask how practical is practicing mindfulness? After all, we do not live at a retreat center where life flows smoothly and slowly. Life is often hectic. There are demands and schedules to be met. It is difficult to slow down in life and just Be. These are valid points to such a helter-skelter world in which we live. It is tempting to conclude that it is unrealistic to practice mindfulness regularly.
However, the practice of mindfulness is not in competition with living the demands of everyday life. Mindfulness practice is living life now and living it effectively. It is the observing, describing and participating in direct experience non-judgmentally and one-mindfully while simultaneously interacting with daily life activities and relationships.
The heart and sole of mindfulness practice is what Marsha Linehan2, the founder of DBT, calls Radical Acceptance. It is accepting ‘what is, as is’, in other words, accepting whatever the Universe serves up. Mindfulness practice requires a process of what Linehan calls ‘turning the mind’ from willfulness (fighting ‘what is, as is’) to willingness (accepting ‘what is, as is’). Keep in mind that radical acceptance does not necessarily mean that you approve, like, or find it easy to accept and embrace whatever is happening. Radical acceptance means accepting life on life’s own terms regardless of your sentiment about it, and finding effective strategies to cope and eventually appreciate whatever is happening. Also keep in mind that radical acceptance does not mean passivity, but rather accepting ‘what is, as is’, while simultaneously doing what is effective in the moment.
The compulsive struggle between ‘What is, as is’ versus ‘What ought to be.’
Compulsion is counter to mindfulness. In compulsion, there is an overriding of direct experience. The personality attempts to direct, control and manipulate direct experience to change ‘what is, as is’ to ‘what ought to be.’ In compulsion, the mind’s eye sees through lenses tinted by referencing past experience and future expectation. Or the mind just “checks out” into imagination (e.g., fantasy or nostalgic memories), or other dissociative states of mind, and bypasses direct experience by ignoring it.
With mindfulness practice one does not fight, let’s say, the grip of Enneagram compulsion. Instead, one mindfully notices, as an “Inner Observer”, that something is happening that is interfering with direct experience while simultaneously carrying on with living. There is something transformative when compulsion is identified (observed), named (described non-judgmentally), and embraced (participating in), its energy is dissipated. For example, as an Enneagram Four, when I can catch myself making negative comparisons and allow a feeling of envy to manifest and pass through me, the compulsion will eventually dissipate, or burn itself off like a log burning down in a fireplace (i.e., emotional regulation). Once the compulsion is dissipated, a freedom emerges that allows me to accept myself as I am at this moment. Or as an Enneagram One, when I observe myself holding another person to my standards and allow feelings of anger or frustration to manifest as a visceral response in my body, thus participating fully in ‘what is’ at that moment, gradually anger diminishes into a dissipating sadness and I can easily accept that there is truth in other standards as well as mine.
References:
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Kabat-Zinn, Jon. Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life (p.4), New York: Hyperion, 1994.
- Linehan, Marsha, Ph.D. Mindfulness, Willingness, Radical Acceptance in Psychotherapy. Workbook distributed in seminar, Carmel, CA, July 21-25, 2003, Behavioral Tech, LLC, 2003.
